zbrexx:

zbrexx:

how did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

he gave her a ring image

nakedmallrat69:

neptunain:

to catch a bus you have to think like a bus

dekutrickortreet:

telapathetic:

when u haven’t masturbated in ages and

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damn imma stop masturbating for a while so i can grow cannons on my back and launch torrents of water at people

fifty-shades-of-irony:

Gordon Ramsay only has two emotions

  1. I’M ONLY TRYING TO FUCKING HELP YOU SO FUCKING LISTEN!
  2. No  no shhhh I was only trying to help please don’t cry.
Customer: How can you do this job (stripping)? Isn't it degrading having to take your clothes of for money?
Dancer: You're the guy that just forked out $300 for me to take my clothes off. Isn't it degrading having to pay that much before a girl who looks like me will take her clothes for you?

queen-of-love-and-beauty:

"I don’t wear makeup so I don’t have to waste like an hour in front of the mirror every morning hahahaha"

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"open books not legs"

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"why have tequila shots when you can have tea?"

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"As always, late with Starbucks"

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"modest is hottest"

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"I’m not like those girls”

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sdr2spoilers:

"It’s a promise!" - anime character thats about to fucking die

sharpslut:

i wish people had crushes on me